P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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