1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
