I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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