Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
