He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just forgot I was standing up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
