I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
