Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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