I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
