It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
