the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And then he peed in my hair
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