Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
