There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
