I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sarcasm needs its own font
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
