im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
