Why are handjobs necessary in class?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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