I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
