OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wear drunk well.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
