So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
