My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
