I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
