erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
