I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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