Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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