I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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