WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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