Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
