walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
