that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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