ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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