6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
