i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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