I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
