I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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