I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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