you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
