Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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