you win again, gameday.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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