I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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