she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
