well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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