I wish I could punch you in the face.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
