Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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