and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
