The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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