chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize