she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
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sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
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You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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