I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
a search helicopter?!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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