Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
