I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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