One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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