When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
