I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
