Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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