His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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