I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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