Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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