We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
