So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
