The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
