hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
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I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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